Five Misconceptions That Keep Men From Letting Go and Moving On A breakup with a woman who engages in behaviors associated with BPD or borderline personality disorder during a romantic relationship may be one of the more painful experiences a man can go through. Many men report spending months and even years recovering from the fallout from this type of relationship. For men whose romantic partners do not engage in the behavior pattern associated with BPD until after marriage, the going can be even tougher. Because of the difficulty many people have in understanding the true nature of these relationship breakups, many misconceptions about this disorder can arise. Most of these perceptions are based on our common belief system of why people behave the way they do. These assumptions, as understandable as they may be, if left unchallenged can easily lead someone trying to heal from one of these relationships to wrong conclusions. Without clearing away these misperceptions it may be more difficult to gain the kind of understanding necessary to recover from this type of relationship.
Abused Men: How Covert Abuse Begins, Part One
So these longstanding diagnostic yardsticks are by now quite familiar—not only to professionals but to interested laypeople as well. This experience includes doing personal, couples, and family counseling with such troublesome individuals. But it also involves working independently with those involved with narcissists—whether their distressed children, spouses, parents , friends , or business associates—who repeatedly express enormous frustration in trying to cope with them.
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty , or ideal love. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions.
Some of the most emotionally abusive relationships and traumatic divorces involve the mentally ill. One of the most difficult of these mental illnesses is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) because it is not easily diagnosed.
Much has been said about the tendency of Trump supporters to have more authoritarian personalities than the norm, and that is true, but why is authoritarianism so attractive to them? Why do they hate democracy? In fact, they love the idea of Trump having as much power as he desires which is unlimited as his need for power and adulation is insatiable , so he can push through his cruel and destructive agenda. In Whitaker they see a tough, merciless enforcer. One of the group even posted a meme of Rosenstein as a 90 lb weakling getting sand kicked in his face by you guessed it an exaggeratedly muscled Whitaker who looked like he was pumped up on massive doses of steroids.
This group was not all males.
Narcissistic And Borderline Attraction
Most people assume that there must be something wrong with men who stay in relationships with women who have traits of borderline personality disorder, men who know the right move is to leave but who find themselves unable to let go. In Part 1 we explored the personality type associated with traits of borderline personality disorder, or BPD, and the unusual pattern of Dr. Hyde transformation that so many of these women go through when they enter a romantic relationship.
In order to understand the dynamic of this couple, we need to answer a very important question. What was it about this man that attracted a woman with traits of BPD in the first place? Just like there is a profile for the borderline personality type, there is also a profile for the kind of man that they often choose to partner with.
Nov 09, · Borderline Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group. Moderators: Echinacea, BPD and NPD: A match made in Hell. by reluctantly_mindful» Thu Aug 20, it’s good that you stopped dating that guy after what he said about children.
So these longstanding diagnostic yardsticks are by now quite familiar—not only to professionals but to interested laypeople as well. This experience includes doing personal, couples, and family counseling with such troublesome individuals. But it also involves working independently with those involved with narcissists—whether their distressed children, spouses, parents , friends, or business associates—who repeatedly express enormous frustration in trying to cope with them.
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty , or ideal love. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions. Requires excessive admiration [regularly fishes for compliments, and is highly susceptible to flattery].
Has a sense of entitlement. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her. Shows arrogant, haughty [rude and abusive] behaviors or attitudes. Actually, as regards identifying descriptors, quite a bit.
Hallmarks of narcissistic personality disorder
Narcissistic Traits A pervasive pattern of grandiosity in fantasy or behavior , need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five or more of the following: A pervasive pattern of grandiosity in fantasy or behavior , need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five or more of the following: He would actually get mad at me if I was sick.
I said, “I sat here with you for days when you were depressed and couldn’t get out of bed. And now you can’t even be a little nice to me when I am sick? When I would question him about it, he would make up excuses and tell me I’m wrong for feeling the way I did, and if I didn’t like it there was something wrong with me.
THE MALE BORDERLINE Surviving the Crash after your Crush. By Shari Schreiber, M.A. The following material was written for individuals trying to recover from a relationship that’s had toxic consequences for them, and is not intended as a support resource for Borderlines or anyone with BPD traits.
I have been scouring the research on BPD to find out if anyone in the research or therapeutic community uses this term or concept high-functioning versus low-functioning Borderline. I have yet to find any author in either the research community or therapeutic community reference this concept. The idea of high vs. The research community is comprised those scientists doing medical research and psychological research on BPD.
They publish scholarly articles and research in medical and psychological journals. This group of people does not differentiate between high-functioning and low-functioning BPs. In fact I have found no reference to high- or low-functioning BPD at all in any of these research papers or reports. Some very few also serve the families, friends, spouses, children, etc.
Why Some Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Mothers Sabotage their Children
As convincing as it may seem, this is simply your Ex trying to hoover you back into a toxic relationship with them. Every single action employed by the Narcissist stems from a pathological need to control others. The Narcissist has no real identity, only an illusion of themselves built on their ability to control other people.
Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. Lack of empathy is one of the most striking features of people with narcissistic personality disorder.
When Your Dream Relationship Turns Into Your Worst Nightmare Many men have had the experience of entering what they thought was their dream relationship only to find out months down the road that their dream had turned into a nightmare. This woman may have appeared to be the dream partner that you had spent your lifetime looking for, someone who truly understood you the way no one else ever had.
The bond that you formed with her may have been the strongest you have ever felt for another human being, and you may have very quickly been convinced that this was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. But what you might not have known is that the woman you were dating probably started out in the relationship by idealizing you. You also might not have known that she chose to only show you the qualities she believed you would like and may have hidden the qualities she feared would cause you to reject her.
Hyde You were probably caught completely off guard when one day you found that the love of your life had abruptly changed from your best friend into someone who now acted like you were her worst enemy. Whether it happened slowly or it was an overnight transformation, you probably eventually realized that the woman who was once in love with you had turned against you, and unless you fixed the problem, you were going to lose what you may have felt was the most important relationship of your life.
You may at first have tried to ask her about her personality change only to hear from her that it was you who she thought had changed overnight.
Sociopath World: Dating other sociopaths
October 18, Hi, all! I’ve posted a few comments here, just general questions, but suppose I could introduce myself. I’m 23, almost 24 years old. Married to my high school sweetheart for a little over a year July 30th and we’ve been together for almost 9 years coming up in April. We have a house, have reliable vehicles, have settled in our careers, have a great support system, etc. I’ve been off the pill since May, had been on it since mid and have a fairly “regular” cycle lasting days.
Hey Bon, I looked into NPD as a possible explanation for my wife’s behavior, whom I now believe has BPD, as you know. Most people seem to argue that that there is a core of self-loathing that is masked by the narcissist, that the display of superiority is a means for denying their fundamental feelings of inferiority, and that the self-loathing itself is responsible for their need for others.
Elect his opponent, President Obama. By getting “revenge” on a narcissist, you are sinking to their level. By doing that, you’re basically imitating them, therefore, they win, not you. The worst are the posters currently dating a narcissist, putting up with their crap, and then coming on here to play the victim. Most of you sound very insecure. The BEST way to deal with a narcissist is by cutting them out of your life. Don’t sink to their level and get revenge, just move on.
Nothing YOU do will ever affect them as much as the things they do to themselves. They are their own worst enemy, that’s why they’re miserable. The minute you decide to get revenge, is the minute they win. The weird and the creepy goes on and on but too much to discuss here in this forum. It took me 25 years of misery, confusion, anger, frustration, isolation, loneliness and depression and shear unhappiness to identify it with the help of a family counselor.
Women With Traits of BPD
Wednesday, February 6, Dating other sociopaths From a reader asking if it is a good idea for sociopaths to date other sociopaths: My reasons for thinking we’re a perfect match: We need a challenge; everyone else is just too easy to win over. When friends ask me how I do it, I shrug and say something banal because it is useless to try to explain.
The recently published 5th edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) lists precisely the same nine criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) as did the.
Every one of my boyfriends except for one, who was severely bipolar and my ex-husband were narcissists. I know a lot of other borderlines who say they have the same problem—they simply are not attracted to a man or woman who is not a narcissist. There are reasons why this happens. Cluster B disorders are all characterized at their root by problems establishing an identity early in childhood and integrity of the Self which causes people with these disorders to act out toward themselves or others in destructive ways and to have problems either accessing or developing prosocial emotions like empathy.
All are prone to lie excessively and manipulate others. Antisocial personality disorder ASPD or psychopathy is the most likely to break the law and violate the rights of others many are in prison , act impulsively, and have no empathy at all. Narcissistic Personality Disorder NPD is less likely to break the law but this is not a given—some narcissists will break the law if they think they can get away with it due to wanting to present a good image to others, but have little, if any, empathy, and act out toward others and manipulate them to protect the False Self they use in place of their true one which cannot be accessed.
The No Contact Rule: The Narcissist and No Contact
His withered body and his overworked mind betray him at the same time. He stares in disbelief and rage at cruel mirrors. Subjected to childhood abuse, the narcissist ages prematurely and finds himself in a time warp; he is in a constant struggle with midlife crisis. When he was a child prodigy, a sex symbol, an actor or idol, a stud, or an outstanding intellectual-the narcissist was at the center of attention.
He has become disillusioned in old age as his old charms have worn thin.
From a reader asking if it is a good idea for sociopaths to date other sociopaths: My reasons for thinking we’re a perfect match: 1) Point: We need a challenge; everyone else is just too easy to win over.
Being a borderline having BPD is no picnic, either. You live in unbearable psychic pain most of the time and in severe cases on the border between reality and psychosis. Your illness distorts your perceptions causing antagonistic behavior and making the world a perilous place. If you like drama, excitement, and intensity, enjoy the ride, because things will never be calm.
Nothing is grey or gradual. For borderlines, things are black and white. They have the quintessential Jekyll and Hyde personality.
THE MALE BORDERLINE
May 29, Abused Men: In the thread, forum members share their experiences of abuse and the abuse they have witnessed beloved brothers, sons and friends suffer. Abusive personalities typically follow similar patterns of behavior. Recently, more and more information is becoming available on male victims of abuse. Building the Perfect Mousetrap!
Keep your Mask on at All Times.
I’t’s uncanny how often people with NPD and BPD seem to find each other. Every one of my boyfriends (except for one, who was severely bipolar) and my ex-husband were narcissists.
Often, this separation occurs after a time of silence between you and the narcissist. The hoovering generally happens when you are not making contact, and at times when you are trying to get on with your life. If you are the one trying to contact and make-up, it is more likely that the narcissist will devalue and discard you. If this is not the case, it is because the narcissist still wants something from you — possessions, money, status, contacts or sex because other sources are momentarily low.
Such is the incredible brain-fry when you are stuck in the throes of narcissistic abuse. Additionally people have been astounded at how — even after the narcissist has moved on with a new partner — that they still make contact, and still try to affect and create reactions. And why is one response back from you sometimes enough for the narcissist to then disappear again? Why Do Narcissists Hoover? The answer, truly, is simply because narcissists are empty voids.
They tend to keep multiple sources of supply as backup, the same way crocodiles store pieces of meat under rocks when other food supplies fall low.